STFC : The Long Grass Beckons

December 14, 2007

Apologies to Martin Ward, from whom I nicked this title.

Act I

Keef : Oh what a lovely new toy I got !

Jim : Might have a slight problem here. This Diamond thingy seems to be costing a touch more than we expected…

Keef : Ooerr. Better get on to our paymasters.

Keef to Dius : Need more money for this Diamond thingy. Big Problem.

Dius to Keef : Nope. There’s plenty of fat in STFC land. You work it out. Its needed doing for yonks anyway.

Keef : Didn’t work Jim.

Jim : Time to frighten the horses, Keef. Richard ?

Richard : wooo !! Cut Gemini ! waagghh ! 25% off grants ! worrrr !!!

Horses obediently panic and start running round in circles

Keef : Think that’ll sort us Jim.

Act II

Trendy Young Physicist : Good Morning World. Terrible Mistake somewhere. Disaster Looms.

That Nice Sarah : You nasty Government people ! Look what you’ve done to these horses !!

Minister : err ahhh sorry, terribly puzzled, lots more money already, err err a review will be undertaken.

Act III

Keef to Dius : Now you wouldn’t want us to be damaging Britain’s Universities. That would be a big mistake. How about that extra eighty million.

Dius to Keef : There’s lots of fat in STFC land. You work it out.

Keef to Dius : What are we supposed to do, kill all those horses ?

Dius to to Keef : There’s lots of fat in STFC land. You work it out.

Keef to Dius : Oh. Ah. Oh dear.

Dius to Scientists : And There Shall be a Grand Review. And all will Be Well.

Scientists : Where’s our ball gone ?

Dius : Awfully sorry. Grass is a bit long round here.