Apologies to Martin Ward, from whom I nicked this title.
Keef : Oh what a lovely new toy I got !
Jim : Might have a slight problem here. This Diamond thingy seems to be costing a touch more than we expected…
Keef : Ooerr. Better get on to our paymasters.
Keef to Dius : Need more money for this Diamond thingy. Big Problem.
Dius to Keef : Nope. There’s plenty of fat in STFC land. You work it out. Its needed doing for yonks anyway.
Keef : Didn’t work Jim.
Jim : Time to frighten the horses, Keef. Richard ?
Richard : wooo !! Cut Gemini ! waagghh ! 25% off grants ! worrrr !!!
Horses obediently panic and start running round in circles
Keef : Think that’ll sort us Jim.
Trendy Young Physicist : Good Morning World. Terrible Mistake somewhere. Disaster Looms.
That Nice Sarah : You nasty Government people ! Look what you’ve done to these horses !!
Minister : err ahhh sorry, terribly puzzled, lots more money already, err err a review will be undertaken.
Keef to Dius : Now you wouldn’t want us to be damaging Britain’s Universities. That would be a big mistake. How about that extra eighty million.
Dius to Keef : There’s lots of fat in STFC land. You work it out.
Keef to Dius : What are we supposed to do, kill all those horses ?
Dius to to Keef : There’s lots of fat in STFC land. You work it out.
Keef to Dius : Oh. Ah. Oh dear.
Dius to Scientists : And There Shall be a Grand Review. And all will Be Well.
Scientists : Where’s our ball gone ?
Dius : Awfully sorry. Grass is a bit long round here.